I'm not quite sure what the fuck I'm doing.
For a split second I thought I did and then it disappeared.
I suppose I could just be getting a little too excited about all of this.

Calm down.

I've been listening to my songs over and over and over.

I'm trying to block out the fact that I was the one to record and perform this music and listen to it as if I am just some random person listening to someone elses music.

Obviously I have found this to be completely impossible.

I feel immensly accoplished on my recordings and what I have done but there is something missing.

http://www.myspace.com/conundrumofnuclearthought

I've done it now.
Put my heart and soul all over the web.

I want to re-meet you but I may be getting my hopes up.
I always do.

I acquired a pair of tap shoes, exactly my size at goodwill the other day for 5 bucks.
Recently I've been considering taking some performance to the street.
I've been thinking about street performance for awhile now but I don't really want to do it alone.
I've busked here and there but I want something legitimate.
Real musicians who have the same ideas in performance as I do.
Anthony and Paul seem like realistic candidates for this but being that I'm not that great at the instruments I play and the music I write I'm not so sure they would want to work with me.
Plus I haven't done tap since I was 10.
The only thing I've got is my singing but I don't want to be a puppet.
It would be easy for me to just sing someone elses music but I'm not into that.
I suppose all I can do is keep trying to write (which is becoming impossible) and have some awesome people to work with. I'd love to be a performer.....get-up and all. It's the only thing I've been good at since I was a child. My insecurities have become immense these past few months and I can't seem to find an escape.
I find (sadly) that a lot of my creativity comes from feeding off of anothers and recently since I've moved back in with my mother I'm not around any sort of creativity.

Maybe I don't need anybody to work with.....maybe I really just need to work with myself.
Shit.

Which reminds me....I'll never be as good.

Abu doesn't care that she's fat.

Plus this picture makes her look slimming.
Celebrate 19!
She's an old hag but she's still got it.
I'm glad being 19 doesn't make me an old hag too.
And even if it did....I'd still have it just as much as she does.